Misconceptions, Deal Breakers, and Love of God –
Purity 551
Purity 551 10/16/2021 Purity 551 Podcast
Good morning
Today’s photo of “Happy Cows at
Sunset in October” comes to us from Johnk Family Farm LLC in Greenville,
NY. I don’t know when I decided to “Like”
Johnk Family Farm on FB but was pleasantly surprised when this photo of a
trinity of bovine beauties grazing under a blazing sun and blue skies “popped
up in my feed”. While I question the
hashtag for “sunsets” that accompanied this photo’s post, I had no doubts about
its simple beauty and was moved to share it today.
It’s the weekend again, and I once again find myself in the “primitive”
conditions of “cow country” at my fiancé’s home in Greenwich NY where we are just
down the road from one of the largest “dairy farms” that I have ever seen! Okay,
I initially wrote “cow farms” and then questioned myself “Is that what you call
them?”
When I was getting to know the friend that would eventually become a “girlfriend”
and a then quickly a fiancé, I had the
very wrong impression about her that she was a “country girl” or “a farm girl”. This impression was a cause for concern
because although I may have not been born in one of the five boroughs of NYC,
and only hailed from the small town of Hudson NY, I considered myself more “city”
than “county”.
Even though I was attracted to my future fiancé from the first time she
walked into my discipleship class back in the spring of this year, my covert
investigations and observations lead me to the false conclusion that she was a “hayseed”
and because of that impression I had my doubts about whether we could or should
be a couple.
Although I had my misgivings about the possibility of a romantic
relationship with her, we became friends and began dialoging via FB messenger
and increasingly began to share our lives with one another. I was conflicted
because I really “liked her” but was trying to keep it “just friends” because
of my standing as “the teacher”, because of our apparent “cultural differences”,
and frankly because of the perceived complications that come with a divorcee
that has multiple children. But the
more we got to know one another the deeper our friendship grew and eventually
led to me suggesting that we have dinner at her place.
In hindsight it may seem odd that I who was very concerned about being “just
friends” would suggest having dinner in the intimate setting of her home, alone,
but what may be even more surprising is the high levels of fear and anxiety I
had in contemplating going to the dinner that I suggested! Comments about “being open to the possibility
of “being lovers” and “having a wonderful evening” in our conversations leading
up to our first “dinner together”, had me freaking out. ”, I had insisted “It wasn’t a date“ because I have dinner with
friends all the time, ya know” but in the hours leading up to our meal I was
wrestling with my convictions of being chaste friends and the romantic
possibilities that could happen when two vulnerable adults who were close
friends and had mutual attraction for one another got together.
So being filled with fear and anxiety brought on by a fair share of
sexual temptation, I turned the corner to go down the road to my future fiancé’s
home for the first time only to discover one of the largest cattle farms I had
ever seen. Upon seeing that farm, my impressions of Tammy Lyn’s “country girl” or
“farm girl” status seemed to be completely confirmed! “Evidence!”
Oh by the way, the fact that my fiancé had decided to go by her first
and middle name and to take away the space between those names in some post-divorce
reinventing of herself didn’t help my false impression of her as a country
girl. “TammyLyn” makes you think of the “country”
penchant for “two-name names” like “Ellie-Mae”
or “Bobbie-Sue”.
But in actuality, her first name is Tammy, and her middle name is Lyn
and all her life, prior to her divorce, her family and friends only called her “Tammy”
as I have been reminded by her family.
But in her liberating herself from her troubled marriage, “Tammy” took
on qualities of bravery and independence that transformed her into a “different
person” and she became “TammyLyn” to mark that change.
Some people may think that is strange, but I totally understand it as I
have decided to go by MT instead of “Marc” in the aftermath of becoming a born again
Christian, going through recovery, and liberating myself from my own troubled
marriage. Not surprisingly, TammyLyn
and I fully support and insist that one another be referred to as their “new
names” when introducing each other to family and friends and avoid referring to
each other by our “old names” because we recognize the fact that “those people”
are in many ways no longer with us.
So, yeah as I pulled down the road to “TammyLyn’s” house, the farm was
just the “deal breaker” I needed to dispel all thoughts of giving in to sexual temptation
or entering into a romantic relationship for me as I envisioned some sort of “Hee
Haw shot gun wedding and getting’
hitched at a celebration that would feature moonshine and chewing tobacco and a
reception that would feature a country western band that would sing about “friends
in low places” and the fact that country girls “think my tractor’s sexy”.
So I walked through the door to our first meal freed from the ideas of
becoming more than friends and actively sought to look for more clues that
TammyLyn was not right for me. There
wasn’t much to “hold against her” but “my mind was made up”. We were “no go”
for romance. So we had a pleasant meal
as friends, but I was sure to make a hasty exit at the end of the meal for fear
that I would be seduced by TammyLyn’s “country charms”, which in actuality didn’t
manifest in any way, shape, or form because it was a fiction based on circumstantial
evidence.
In the days following that first meal, TammyLyn and I had some very deep
and revealing conversations that revealed the errors in my interpretations and
conclusions about who TammyLyn is as a person and exposed the fact of our deep
affections for one another. Together we acknowledged how our lives were “complicated”
and our discussions revealed that they weren’t as complicated as I had thought
as we were both in love with one another and equally committed to working through
whatever issues that may arise to be together. We discussed that a casual
relationship outside of the bonds of marriage was against our intentions to
live as Christians and we agreed in principle to be married before we
officially announced we were “in a relationship”. The period of boyfriend and
girlfriend was only two weeks and now we are betrothed to one another, and both
confess to one another how we can’t imagine being with anyone else for the rest
of our lives.
So here I sit in the midst of “cow country” perfectly at peace, because although
my fiancé lives in the country, is a vegetarian, and is into essential oils,
she is not a “country or farm girl”. Her
current location down the road from the “dairy empire” is out of convenience and
cost more than cultural identity and she currently has a month to month lease and
is considering moving to a less rural location.
You know, before coming to Christ, you really could have had some
different impressions of who I was as a person.
Thank God it didn’t exist at the time but if FB had been a thing when I
was growing up and there was an online archive all the twists and turns of my
journey out there on the web for people to look at you could have all types of
ideas of who I was. And the fact was,
unlike my ponderings over TammyLyn’s “country girl” status, your impressions of
me probably would have been pretty accurate. Depending on what era of my life
you were looking at you could have concluded that I was a “fraternity guy”, “a
drunk”, “a family man”, or maybe even a “a Buddhist” but it is doubtful you
would have found much to lead you to label me as a “Christian”.
But you know who would have seen that?
God. With God there are no wrong
impressions. He knows us perfectly, warts
and all. And He loves us. Unlike us, who
have certain conditions that we would consider “deal breakers” for being in a
loving relationship, God loves us all unconditionally.
God also can see our futures. The word says that He sees the end from
the beginning, and He is not surprised by how things will play out in time and
space. So even though I was outside of
the love relationship that He knew I would one day enter into by making Jesus
my Lord and Savior, He knew I would come to Him someday.
God also knew that I would choose to repent of my sins, be transformed
from my former life of addiction and reactive emotions and choose to follow Him
on the path of Christian Discipleship.
He knew I would seek to know Him more through studying His word and get degrees
in Biblical Studies and Christian Counseling.
He also knew that would lead to my deciding to begin a Community Freedom
Ministry at my local church which would lead to me starting a podcast to share
the teachings from the discipleship classes I would do on Thursday nights.
And as amazing as it sounds God knew that a woman who was trying to draw
closer to Him would find that podcast and eventually feel compelled to drive an
hour to attend the classes in person.
The love of God has no conditions and while He loves all of us, He works
all things for good only for those who love Him and are called to His purpose. TammyLyn and I love Him, and we answered the
call to know Him more and to be used for His purposes and even though it took
some work to get beyond my misconceptions and fears, God knew that the love
that He poured into us would flow between us as we would eventually find one
another and choose to honor His plan to agree to become husband and wife with
Him at the center of our relationship.
So keep walking and talking with God. Life is a journey and a mystery,
but God knows where it is going. If we our faith in Christ, love God, and
follow the call to His purposes we will find that no matter how crazy our walk
is or how wrong we were in our ideas about things, He will show us the truth
and lead us to an abundant life of purpose and meaning that we will show us who
we were always meant to be.
Today’s Bible verse
is drawn from “The NLT Bible Promise Book for Men”.
This morning’s meditation verse is:
James 5:16 (NLT2)
16 Confess your sins to each
other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of
a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.
Today’s verse reminds us of the true purpose of confession and
reminds us of the power of the fellowship of the saints and communication with God.
Today’s verse in James paints a picture of Christian fellowship
and practice. Repenting of our sins and
living according to God’s way of life are a revolutionary choice that flies in
the face of worldly wisdom.
Our current culture tells us that as long as we are not
overtly harming other people virtually all forms of behavior are permissible. The word of God teaches that some things are
just “sin” and just should not be done.
God writes His law on our hearts so try as we might to dismiss “biblical
morality” if we are honest with ourselves we know what is “right” and would
have to admit that no matter what society’s views on certain behaviors are now,
that some things are wrong. And Christians
don’t base their sense of right and wrong on feelings or the views of society,
they base what is sin by the wisdom of God’s word.
So when Christians sin, they know that they have gone
against the commands of the One who gave them life itself and the One who died
to give them eternal life. This realization
fills us with guilt and shame and should draw us to repentance.
So today’s verse teaches that we are to seek the comfort of
the community of believers to confess their sins and to be prayed for.
The confession of sin is not for forgiveness. Christ’s work
on the cross has covered all our sins so if we understand that we know that no
matter what we do our sins are forgiven and cannot separate us from the love of
God.
However, our harmonious relationship with the Lord is
compromised and so confession of our sins to the saints we are in fellowship
with serves two purposes.
1. Our
heartfelt confession reestablishes our harmonious relationship with God. We properly confess when we “agree’ with God
that what we did was wrong and when we make the profession and make the
intention to not repeat our sin.
2. Our
confession to our fellow Christians makes us accountable to them to be true to
our confession by seeking help to overcome our struggles with sin through
community, instruction, and accountability relationships.
So these two factors that are the result of confession lead
us to be “healed”.
Today’s verse also points to the power of prayer to assist
us in our walk. Our prayerful communications
with God can be powerful when we ask God for strength and guidance to walk away
from our sins. Our prayers form the basis for our continuing relationship with
God as we seek to be in contact with our heavenly Father to lead us through life.
Today’s verse also indicates that our righteous standing
with God can give us powerful results. A
committed Christian in relationship will know the will of God is consistent with His word and thus will not
only have a clear channel of communication to the Father because of the lack of
sin in their life, they will also direct their prayers to be pleasing to the Lord.
So this weekend be sure to connect with a local fellowship
of believers where you can pray for one another and form relationships in which
you can unburden yourselves through confession and receive support as you
conform your attitudes and behaviors to align with God’s word. As we have been forgiven, we can walk in
righteousness and know that our heavenly Father hears us and is encouraging us
to keep living according to His ways, but we are not called to go it alone and
need to be a support to and be supported by other Christians.
As
always, I invite all to go to mt4christ.org where I always share insights from
prominent Christian counselors to assist my brothers and sisters in Christ with
their walk.
Today we continue sharing from June Hunt’s Dating:
Secrets to Great Relating When Dating
As always, I share this information for educational purposes
and encourage all to purchase June Hunt’s books for your own private study and
to support her work. If you need this title you can find it online at several
sites for less than $5.00:
C. What Do Women Want?
Emotionally healthy women will be attracted to different qualities in men in
contrast to women who struggle with emotional immaturity.
Because men generally possess more physical strength than women,
self-control can be a determining factor in how safe a woman feels with a man.
He doesn’t have to be a knight in shining armor who tries to rescue and protect
all women everywhere, but he does have to be a safe man. He must provide a
sense of physical security if he has any hope of developing a dating
relationship. The importance of this point to God is obvious in Peter’s words
to husbands….
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives
and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the
gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” (1 Peter 3:7)
- Self-control
is defined as “restraint exercised over one’s own impulses, emotions,
or desires.” - Self-control
“involves mastery of oneself, one’s passions, one’s egocentrism, one’s
lust for attention, power, and dominance.”
The Bible describes a man who lacks self-control….
“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks
self-control.” (Proverbs 25:28)
In addition to
self-control, a woman generally prefers to go out with a man who is…
- Balanced—practices
moderation in all areas of life, enjoys a variety of activities but avoids
extremes - Boundaried—knows
when and how to say no, sets appropriate limits in relationships
and is not easily manipulated - Conscientious—thinks
before speaking, chooses words that don’t harm or offend others - Consistent—remains
the same in the dark as in the light, whether at work, play, school, home,
or on a date - Dependable—fulfills
commitments and makes appointments, follows through on agreements and
keeps his word - Even-tempered—keeps
his temper under control in stressful situations, remains calm and
levelheaded when under duress - Health-conscious—maintains
a balanced routine of good eating, exercising, and sleeping habits - Honest—values
integrity and deals truthfully with others - Relational—nurtures
relationships and maintains friendships - Respectful—treats
others politely, exhibits good manners, is courteous, considerate, honors
and values others - Responsible—holds
down a regular job, meets financial obligations, avoids excessive
spending, and maintains a clean and orderly living environment - Self-assured—projects
confidence and inner strength, knows who he is and accepts himself without
being conceited or egocentric - Self-aware—recognizes
his strengths and admits areas of weakness, guards against falling
into sinful patterns or being trapped by temptation - Sensible—demonstrates
good sense in decision making and expresses emotions in a balanced way - Spiritual
maturity—commits to regular Bible study and prayer, actively participates
in church, pursues opportunities to serve others - Unselfish—considers
her needs just as important as his, makes adjustments in the little things
- Well-groomed—attends
to personal hygiene and appearance, dresses neatly - Wise—listens
to advice and seeks counsel of trusted confidants - Zealous—is
fervent in devotion to God, family, and friends, and is committed to
developing godly character
The Bible paints a beautiful picture of the defining characteristics of
someone who maintains a close walk with the Lord….
“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand
in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose
delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted
by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not
wither—whatever they do prospers.”
Widowhood and Remarriage
Question: “Since my husband’s
death, I have not been open to dating. I feel guilty when I enjoy being around
another man. Are these feelings appropriate?”
Answer: Yes. If you find
yourself having feelings for another man, it may mean you are healing from the
loss of the loving relationship you had with your husband and your heart is
naturally opening up again to the possibility of a new relationship. It is not
unusual for devoted, surviving spouses to initially feel guilty when
experiencing these feelings for the first time, especially if they have not
fully grieved their losses and released their former marriage and mate to God.
Ask God to confirm in your heart:
- If your
feelings of guilt are the result of unresolved issues from your previous
marriage. - If it is
false guilt. The Bible clearly states that you are free to pursue new
relationships and to remarry.
When mates who’ve been in loving, caring marriages die, the surviving mates
are often more likely to explore the possibility of remarriage because they’ve
experienced the joy and fulfillment such a partnership can bring. Conversely,
those who had difficult marriages may be less open to remarriage. In either case,
the Bible states…
“By law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive,
but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him….
But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress
if she marries another man.” (Romans 7:2-3)
Biblical Counseling Keys: Dating: Secrets to Great Relating When Dating.
—————————more
tomorrow————————
Join our “Victory
over the Darkness” or “The Bondage Breaker” series of Discipleship Classes via
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at https://mt4christ247.podbean.com, You can also find it on Apple podcasts (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mt4christ247s-podcast/id1551615154). The mt4christ247 podcast is also available on Google Podcasts,
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Encouragement for the Path of Christian
Discipleship
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