Traditionally on this night I would go out with my
brothers to the local bars in Hudson and get ripped. My eldest brother Matt
would roll into town from New Paltz and out we would go. Since marrying Michele in 1998, this was one
of the few nights of the year that I would go out drinking. I would drink and smoke to excess, ogle other
women, avoid getting into fights, and often not remember the walk home. I would wake up at my parents’ house with a
wicked hangover. I had skipped last year.
I had stopped drinking last September and was 2 months dry on the sly (Thought
I would quit drinking unofficially all on my own). Although I skipped the
Thanksgiving eve festivities, I gave into having a couple of token beers on
Thanksgiving with my Dad. I didn’t lose
control that day but after giving in I soon was drinking regularly all through
the Holiday season and into my vacation to Florida in February. When I came back in March, Celebrate Recovery
was starting and I was joined up. After a short slip up 2 weeks into recovery,
I have been sober ever since, just over 8 months.
brothers to the local bars in Hudson and get ripped. My eldest brother Matt
would roll into town from New Paltz and out we would go. Since marrying Michele in 1998, this was one
of the few nights of the year that I would go out drinking. I would drink and smoke to excess, ogle other
women, avoid getting into fights, and often not remember the walk home. I would wake up at my parents’ house with a
wicked hangover. I had skipped last year.
I had stopped drinking last September and was 2 months dry on the sly (Thought
I would quit drinking unofficially all on my own). Although I skipped the
Thanksgiving eve festivities, I gave into having a couple of token beers on
Thanksgiving with my Dad. I didn’t lose
control that day but after giving in I soon was drinking regularly all through
the Holiday season and into my vacation to Florida in February. When I came back in March, Celebrate Recovery
was starting and I was joined up. After a short slip up 2 weeks into recovery,
I have been sober ever since, just over 8 months.
So today is the day again, Thanksgiving eve, my brothers
agree to meet for dinner and drinks before going out drinking. They know I’m in
recovery and I was nervous about seeing them. I thought it would be weird. I just before pulling into the restaurant, I
had that strong pull to lose control and had a strong craving for a drink, lots
of drinks, and any drugs or women I can get my hands on. That “LET”S GO! ROCK –N- ROLL!” feeling. Good news though, it was only a fleeting
momentary thought. Michele and I went in. My brothers, their significant others,
and my wife had drinks. I had a diet Pepsi. We had dinner and some laughs. We had horrible service but over all a good
time. My brothers left to go out on the
town and Michele and I went home.
agree to meet for dinner and drinks before going out drinking. They know I’m in
recovery and I was nervous about seeing them. I thought it would be weird. I just before pulling into the restaurant, I
had that strong pull to lose control and had a strong craving for a drink, lots
of drinks, and any drugs or women I can get my hands on. That “LET”S GO! ROCK –N- ROLL!” feeling. Good news though, it was only a fleeting
momentary thought. Michele and I went in. My brothers, their significant others,
and my wife had drinks. I had a diet Pepsi. We had dinner and some laughs. We had horrible service but over all a good
time. My brothers left to go out on the
town and Michele and I went home.
It was cool. They were drinking, I wasn’t. No speeches or pleas. Just some light conversation and catching
up. No big deal.
up. No big deal.
I was talking to Michele about it on the way there and I
said I had an impulse control problem. I said that I was trouble. I was joking and introduced myself to her “Hi,
I’m trouble!” In the past I was full
steam ahead into drunkenness. If there
was an awkward pause in conversation I would fill it with a drink or two. Now I’m comfortable in my own skin. I sit. I
listen. I relax. I’m at peace. I can talk about drinking and laugh about it
but now it is like I know better.
said I had an impulse control problem. I said that I was trouble. I was joking and introduced myself to her “Hi,
I’m trouble!” In the past I was full
steam ahead into drunkenness. If there
was an awkward pause in conversation I would fill it with a drink or two. Now I’m comfortable in my own skin. I sit. I
listen. I relax. I’m at peace. I can talk about drinking and laugh about it
but now it is like I know better.
In recovery I’ve said that I’m addicted to unicorns; I
explain that I am chasing after things that don’t exist. I’m no longer a college student back for
Thanksgiving break. I’m a 43 year old
Bible College student, married, with children! I’m sure I could find trouble if
I wanted to but I know that I wouldn’t find anything worthwhile. When I relapsed in early March, after 2 weeks
in recovery, I just remember that I felt it wasn’t worth it. My relapse was
anti-climactic. I didn’t even have that good a time. I felt like I let myself down and wanted to
be right with God again. I got back on
the wagon and haven’t gotten off.
explain that I am chasing after things that don’t exist. I’m no longer a college student back for
Thanksgiving break. I’m a 43 year old
Bible College student, married, with children! I’m sure I could find trouble if
I wanted to but I know that I wouldn’t find anything worthwhile. When I relapsed in early March, after 2 weeks
in recovery, I just remember that I felt it wasn’t worth it. My relapse was
anti-climactic. I didn’t even have that good a time. I felt like I let myself down and wanted to
be right with God again. I got back on
the wagon and haven’t gotten off.
I pray every day. I thank God for what I have. I ask for
guidance, patience, and strength. I never
feel alone.
guidance, patience, and strength. I never
feel alone.
I wish everyone a safe and joyous holiday.
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