Purity 1338 04/29/2024 Purity 1338 Podcast
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Good morning,
Today’s photo of a tree set against a peaceful blue sky and the green fields that run parallel to “Freedom Road” comes to us from yours truly as I captured this scene Saturday afternoon as my canine friend, Harley, and I went a little further along the clearing that lies at the end of our favorite road to discover this one tree and the relatively clear view it gave us of the grasslands beyond.
On Sunday, Harley and I went down the same road only to discover what I believe to be a wolverine in the distance – or a porcupine?- looked like a bear until I saw its face with long quills or whiskers- and I called on Harley to look at it. But his nose and gaze looked every which way but in this unknown mammal’s direction. I kept drawing closer to it out of curiosity but when I saw that alien face, I freaked out and decided that it was best to just get out of there. I don’t recall exactly what I said to the oblivious dog but even though he didn’t seem to have seen what I had seen, when he heard the fear in my voice and the command to leave – he was immediately obedient and went sprinting away from me back the way we came. “Oh my hero!” I thought as I picked up my pace from a curious stroll to a determined stride to put distance between me and the Tasmanian devil. For a second, I thought the thing was going to run after me and thought about how when you are chased by a predator, you don’t have to be first in the race to escape, you just don’t have to be last. My pal Harley had no worries, he was gone! And as I realized the thing wasn’t charging after me, I relaxed and laughed over how I couldn’t make the dog look in the right direction, but he sure knew how to run away from me when he sensed danger.
It just goes to show that we can’t assume our friends know what we are thinking or how we are feeling unless we adequately express it. I tried to tell Harley what was up, but he didn’t get it until my emotional outburst caused him to run for the exit.
And that brings us back to our current series on friendship myths – those destructive beliefs about friendship that can cause us mental anguish or relational dysfunction. This series was inspired by a recent prayer ministry session in which the subject was led by the Lord to recognize some lies they were believing about friendship and by a 2022 Psychology Today article (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-generations/202202/8-destructive-beliefs-about-friendship ) by Sara Epstein, a licensed marriage and family therapist, that I found while researching the topic.
My encounter with the “unknown beast on Freedom Road” reminds me of the next destructive belief that Epstein wrote about, which was:
- “Friends will just know what I need and if they don’t, they’re a bad friend.”
That’s ridiculous of course and Epstein’s helps to debunk this friendship myth. She writes:
“Friends, like family or romantic partners, cannot be expected to mind-read. When one member of a friendship is feeling hurt or needs to set a boundary or wants to discuss something important, they need to say so. Even a friend who has known you for 20 years cannot be expected to know your needs without your guidance. Friends should orient themselves around this truth and practice opening up about their needs.”
Amazingly, this phenomenon – that people expect you to just somehow inherently know what you are thinking or feeling – is way too common, and not only does it play out in friendships but maybe even be more prevalent in our relationships with our significant others or family members that we have “known” all our lives – and I think that this is where the root of this destructive belief lies – in the family.
Our parents or other close family members have been with us for all of our lives, and they have become familiar with our body language, attitudes, and emotional tendencies. Because they have so much exposure to us and us to them, we can have a pretty good sense of where they are coming from or what certain postures and attitudes might mean and so we have become accustomed to not having to spell everything out when it comes to our needs… or at least that is how this “mind reading” destructive belief develops.
Most of the problems we have with our spouses, family members, or friends come from unmet expectations and this destructive belief – that those who really love me, will JUST KNOW what we are feeling or what we will need – only increases the likelihood of our disappointment. When we hold this belief, we will even “test” our friends and loved ones by withholding information or by just remaining silent while we observe “what they will do, now” in response to our “clues”.
While there is some fun in the mystery of getting to know one another, the flip side of being mysterious is being hurt, and ironically with this false belief the pain is self-inflicted! I marvel to think about how many friendships, marriages, and family relationships have been strained and broken by this destructive belief. I have heard this lie spoken and repeated so many times throughout my life.
“They should just know – He doesn’t know what I need – She doesn’t understand me.”
Well, how about you tell them! They aren’t Nostradamus! You have to tell them!
So, yes, that’s why family and marriage therapists around the world will tell you that communication is the key to healthy relationships. We need to know what one another is feeling and thinking about to meet one another’s needs and wants. So instead of shutting down, try opening up and speaking about what you are thinking and what you are feeling. Let people know that:
“When A happens, I feel B, and I would like you to do C.” For example,
When you tell me to “get over it”, I feel you are “ignoring my feelings”, and I need you to “acknowledge my pain and help me to process it, take a break, or cope with it, before I can “get over it”.
When we let people know how we are reacting to situations or what they are doing, we can avoid misunderstanding and learn how to be a better sister, brother, son, daughter, spouse, or friend.
So speak up and be kind to one another and you just may see how many “good friends: you have when your feelings, wants, and needs are no longer a mystery.
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For those who want more evidence for Christianity than my simple encouragements provide, I offer apologist, Frank Turek’s website, https://crossexamined.org/ .
Today’s Bible verse come to us from “The Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling” By John G. Kruis.
( While Bible verses on various topics of Counseling can be found with a quick Google search, we encourage you to purchase this resource to support the late author’s work. (https://www.amazon.com/Quick-Scripture-Reference-Counseling-Kruis-ebook/dp/B00CIUJZT2?ref_=ast_author_dp )
This morning’s meditation verse comes from the section on Death and Eternal Life
John 3:16 (NASB)
16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
Today’s verse is the second of four passages of scripture that fall under the nineteenth point of our counseling reference guide resource’s section on Death and Eternal Life.
19. All who believe in Jesus will have eternal life.
Today’s verse is THE verse that we can use to share the gospel. People hold up signs at sporting events proclaiming John 3:16 because it is a one-verse message of God’s love, our eternal hope, and the truth about Jesus Christ in one single statement.
John 3;16 tells us that:
– God is not mad at us – He loves us!
- Jesus is God’s Son – the one and only and that He came for a purpose.
- To Save us – With Him we live forever, without Him – we perish.
That’s all good news and was contrary to the other religions out there who teach that we can’t know for sure what God feels toward us and that we must perform in some way to be approved by Him. But that wasn’t true and that’s why Jesus came – to tell us that God loved us, that Hell is a real thing to be avoided, and that He is the Truth, the Way, and the Life because there is no other way to have peace with God.
So rejoice if you have faith in Jesus because your name is written in heaven, you are a child of God, and you will not perish!
If you don’t know Him, read John 3:16 again and ask God to reveal Himself to you and pray a simple prayer to make Jesus your Lord and Savior and maybe one day you can share its truth with somebody else who needs it.
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As always, I invite all to go to mt4christ.com where I always share insights from prominent Christian theologians and counselors to assist my brothers and sisters in Christ with their walk.
Today we continue sharing from “According to Your Word: Morning and Evening Through the New Testament” By Stephen F. Olford – A Collection of Devotional Journals: 1940-1941.
As always, I share this information for educational purposes and encourage you all to purchase Olford’s books for your own private study and to support his work. This resource is available online for less than $10 at many sites.
EVENING READING: ACTS 9
“Behold, he is praying.” – Acts 9:11
It would seem that Saul spent three days, without sight, food, or drink (v. 9), yet praying all the while. What happened during those hours of prayer changed Saul into the great apostle Paul. Prostrate there before his Lord, Saul was emptied of all self-righteousness, pride, and arrogance, and filled with such a burning love for Christ that nothing could dim until he finished his course.
“Behold, he is praying.” This was the attitude Ananias was to find him in – one of utter humility and self-abnegation. It was only when Paul had voluntarily and deliberately assumed this position and attitude that he could receive these three: (1) sight – what a spiritual sight Paul had; (2) the filling of the Spirit – Paul could write from experience saying, “Be filled with the Spirit” (Eph. 5:18); and, (3) strengthening – he finished the race (2 Tim. 4:7).
O, that I might have just a portion of
Paul’s experience, Lord.[1]
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“The views, opinions, and commentary of this publication are those of the author, M.T. Clark, only, and do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of any of the photographers, artists, ministries, or other authors of the other works that may be included in this publication, and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of any entities the author may represent.”
Encouragement for the Path of Christian Discipleship
[1] Stephen Olford and Heather Olford, According to Your Word: Morning and Evening Through the New Testament, A Collection of Devotional Journals 1940-1941 (Nashville, TN: B&H Books, 2008).
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