Bible Study with the Cincotti’s – Don’t Forgive Yourself – 11/17/2024
Today’s Bible Study, Authored by Arthur Cincotti. 11/17//2024
Listen to our Bible Study Discussion at: Don’t Forgive Yourself Audio Podcast
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Don’t Forgive Yourself
“But Jesus knew their thoughts, and said to them: ‘Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.’”
Mat. 12:25
The very human need and/or desire to forgive one’s self is very controversial, and therefore avoided from the pulpit. I personally have been challenged by Pr. Bob Costello to find a Biblical president regarding this. Typically I would defect to safe hermeneutic that the Scripture is not comprehensive on every subject of life, but this one started weighing on my soul, so I thought I would tackle it with the Lord.
It seems noble to want to forgive yourself, but I meet no small number of believer’s who live under the weight of a testimony that says, “I know that God has forgiven me, but I just can’t forgive myself. Today we will explore the pitfalls of this theology, try to ferret out the circumstances that drive people to this conclusion, expose the lie and open the door for truth and healing.
In my experience there are two prominent reasons that tempt believers to defect to such thinking. One is that there is something that is so egregious in their past that is unfixable and seemingly unredeemable, and second is that there is something in the present that is such a stronghold that the hope of healing or deliverance has vanished.
1) Scripture is replete with examples of people who engaged in sinful acts that seemed unfixable and unredeemable. Certainly, in the case of the culpable death of a loved one, unfixable is cast into the scope of eternity.
David is our poster-child example for this. His illicit adultery with Bathsheba (II Sam. 11&12) and his conspiracy in the death of her husband Uriah resulted in some harsh consequences. In addition to Uriah’s death was also the death of the child conceived by his adultery. Death is an unfixable consequence in the natural plane. In II Sam. 12:14,15 we read, “And the LORD struck the child that Uriah’s wife bore to David, and it became ill. David therefore pleaded with God for the child, and David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground.” When the child died David, “arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped.” verse. 20. David began to gain an eternal perspective. In versa 23 he says, “Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.”
This is painful but not eternal unless you insist on risking your own relationship with the Lord in an attempt to punish yourself. “’Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
Rm. 12:19 (from Deu. 32:35). Rom. 3:8 (AMP) says, “And why not say, (as some slanderously report and claim that we teach) ‘Let us do evil so that good may come of it’? Their condemnation [by God] is just.” God is just!
In David’s Psalm of repentance (Ps. 51) he grapples with two poles of truth. Verse. 4. “Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight – That You may be found just when You speak, And blameless when You judge.” And verse. 7. “Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.” David realizes that all sin is against God and that He alone can forgive. The scribes, in Mar. 2:7 understood this when they said of Jesus, “Why does this Man speak blasphemies like this? Who can forgive sins but God alone?” This doesn’t absolve us from forgiving other people on the horizontal plane. Jesus is very clear about that when He says, “And for give us our sins, For we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.” Lk. 11:4
Seeing life in the scope of eternity takes the pressure off us to fix everything. We often can’t even fix the little things.
2) In regard to holding ourselves in unforgiveness because of besetting sin; I Cor. 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” The key is to actually take the “way of escape.” Too often Christians use unforgiveness of self as a sentimental antidote for their choice not to take the way of escape. James. 4:7,8 says, “submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you…” Derek Prince says, “God won’t deliver you from your friends, only your enemies.”
As we have already said, the Scripture is clear that we are commanded to forgive one another. This demands a dialogue, definitely with God and often with another person. Forgiveness,, in this respect, operates on two planes: the horizontal and vertical.
Pr. Tom Griffith, in his course “Release the Resources of Heaven” writes on the subject of forgiveness, “It’s out of obedience and faith in the gospel” and “Concretely, legally forgive. Release all judgments and freely bless.”
The problem with trying to forgive ourselves is that it locks us into an inner dialogue. There is no healing in this; no one wins. We can’t forgive ourselves of a debt that we owe ourselves. “A kingdom divided…” Satan would love to see us remain ineffective and trapped in this bondage. It inevitably leads to self-pity which is the highest form of pride. Judas Iscariot may have lived to have a vibrant ministry if he hadn’t succumbed to this lie.
Unforgiveness of one’s self is also a form of idolatry. Jesus has forgiven us and paid our ransom with a high price. If we dabble in unforgiveness toward self, we disagree with God and place our opinion higher than His. Unforgiveness of self clearly causes us to downward spiral deeper into darkness. Paul says, “For what if some did not believe? Will their unbelief make the faithfulness of God without effect? Certainly not! Indeed, let God be true but every man a liar.” Rm. 3:4
We are commanded to love ourselves. Jesus exalts self-love as the second highest commandment, “And the second is like it. ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” Mt. 22:39. We are created in God’s image, the apple of His eye, He so loved us that He gave His only begotten Son; “for the joy that was set before Him [us] (He) endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God,” Heb. 12:2… waiting for us to come home.
I understand how the disability to process some of the things we have done and still do, knowing now how reprehensible they are, can lead us into a false theology of unforgiveness toward ourselves, especially if we yet live in the consequences of these actions, which constantly remind us.
Better to remember what Christ has done for us – “do this in remembrance of Me”- than to waste ourselves on foolish and destructive thinking that only holds us in bondage. Rom. 8:27,28; “Now he who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
That’s an eternal perspective!
That’s your true identity!
If you are struggling with unforgiveness toward self, pray for deliverance and receive the answer.
“you are Mine!!!”
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