If My Friendships Fail, I am a Failure – Friendship Myths #8 – Purity 1340
Purity 1340 05/01/2024 Purity 1340 Podcast
Purity 1340 on YouTube: Coming Soon!
Good morning,
Today’s photo of some original artwork depicting the sun sitting atop of a mountain as a huge cloud formation billows up above that, with a portion resembling a dove in flight, as the valley below is awash in the colors of spring as green trees and grass are highlighted by colorful flowers at the base of a blue stream reflects the heaven above – all of that – all of this – comes to us from our friend and “man in the UK”, Philip Hand who uses his artwork to chase away the blues and to give glory to His Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I took the liberty of entitling Philips’ work “Sunshine Mountain Glory” because one of the definitions of “glory” is “magnificence or great beauty” and that’s what I felt and thought when Philip shared this with me this morning. While the biblical definition can be vast, I like the one highlighted that I saw during my research this morning in a Christianity.com article (https://www.christianity.com/wiki/christian-terms/what-is-glory-in-christianity.html) that stated that glory “describes God’s obvious presence, it indicates worth and value, which results in praise”. That’s what I get when I see Philip’s work or when I see the magnificence of God’s creation – I sense the obvious presence of the Lord and realize how valuable the experience is and want to give God praise!
Well, It’s Wednesday and it’s great that my friend across the pond in Stockport sent me this today, because it not only gives me joy, but it can also visually represent our arrival to another “hump day”. Friends can really help us, sometimes without even trying, and life can be so much easier when we have friends in our lives to encourage and inspire us as we keep on walking and talking with God.
However, sometimes friendships end and when they do we have to be careful of how we process the loss. The pain of broken relationships can easily get us to believe things that aren’t true.
And that brings us to our current series on friendship myths which was inspired by an encounter I had with a friend in prayer ministry and that has been fleshed out by Sarah Epstein’s 2022 Psychology Today article (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-generations/202202/8-destructive-beliefs-about-friendship ) on destructive friendship beliefs. Today’s lie to be debunked is about the pain of broken friendships as Epstein wrote, our next “friendship myth” is:
“If a friendship ends, I have failed.” Sarah Epstein’s commentary states:
“By all means, mourn a lost friendship. But some friendships are right to end and in that case, choosing to end that friendship is a sign of maturity. When friendships stop feeling mutual, start feeling one-sided, lose common ground, or bump into different needs and world views, ending a friendship may be the healthiest decision.”
Epstein supports her purpose of grounding our beliefs about friendship in reality and normalizing the fact that friendships end but this particular “destructive belief” – that “if my friendships fail, I am a failure” is based in shame and condemnation, reveals inadequacies about one’s sense of worth, and needs to be addressed with a higher truth than “it’s okay to end friendships”.
The points in Epstein’s rebuke indicate that WE ended the relationship, that we may have decided to finally end a toxic friendship but what if we find ourselves as the “dumpee” – that we were content with our friendship and are surprised to find that our friend has decided to take their ball and go home never to return again? What if we lose a friendship over mistakes we have made or things we have done? What if the reason our friendship failed was because of us? What if you didn’t think your friendship was “right to end”. In those cases, that “lie” that “I have failed” is true and we shouldn’t deny it or back away from it. But at the same time, we shouldn’t let our obvious failure define us or determine our sense of self-worth which really seems to be at the heart of the matter with today’s “myth”.
Ok, so your friendship fails, and you feel like a failure. So, what do you do, now?
- Acceptance and grief. – We can’t change the past; we can only move on from it. This happened. I lost my friend. We can examine the reasons why and try to learn from them but the first thing we need to do is acknowledge that this loss has happened, and we should grieve it.
- Repent – Whether or not it would be good, wise, or possible to reconcile ourselves to our lost friend would have to be judged by the particulars of the case, but regardless of how the blame game is played, it takes two to tango and when a relationship ends, nobody is perfect and we should examine our part, accept our responsibility for the things we did or failed to do, and turn from any negative attitudes or actions that we do that may have been contributing causes to our friendship’s end and that could spoil future relationships.
- Forgive and Seek Forgiveness – The word commands us to forgive and thus we should forgive the other person and ourselves (by accepting God’s forgiveness) regardless of whether or not it can save or restore the friendship. If we have done wrong, and we most likely have failed somewhere, we should also ask the other party to forgive us. As much as it depends upon us, we should try to be peacemakers – even if it is determined that it will be necessary to set boundaries to limit or eliminate the other person’s presence in our lives.
- Move on with God. The above three steps could take some time – but if you have worked through all of them the result should be peace. You’ve done everything that God has asked you to do by repenting, forgiving, and asking for forgiveness, but keep listening to Him in case there is something else, lol, After this loss, you will need to walk and talk with God, and focus on your relationship with Him and your identity in Christ. God is the Creator, and he determines our value, not man, and if you are in Christ – He declares you worthy of love and respect as a child of God. So meditate on the who I am in Christ list (https://www.ficm.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/who-i-am-in-christ05.pdf ) and remember that even if the whole world rejects you, you are never a failure in Christ!
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For those who want more evidence for Christianity than my simple encouragements provide, I offer apologist, Frank Turek’s website, https://crossexamined.org/ .
Today’s Bible verses come to us from “The Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling” By John G. Kruis.
( While Bible verses on various topics of Counseling can be found with a quick Google search, we encourage you to purchase this resource to support the late author’s work. (https://www.amazon.com/Quick-Scripture-Reference-Counseling-Kruis-ebook/dp/B00CIUJZT2?ref_=ast_author_dp )
This morning’s meditation verses come from the section on Death and Eternal Life
1 John 5:11-12 (NIV2011)
11 And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.
12 Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.
Today’s verses are the fourth and final of four passages of scripture that fall under the nineteenth point of our counseling reference guide resource’s section on Death and Eternal Life.
19. All who believe in Jesus will have eternal life.
Today’s verses make eternal life synonymous with Jesus Christ. He is the Son. If we have the Son, if we have made Him the Lord and Savior of our lives, we have eternal life. And conversely, whoever does not have the Son, who has not made Jesus their Lord and Savior, does not have life. Non-believers are “spiritually dead” and on the highway to hell.
This explains the evil in the world – sin – if we were all followers of Jesus Christ we would not see the depravity that we see today and while it might seem hopeless when we try to imagine “getting everyone to believe”, we have to realize that is was only because of God that we believe – and boy did I look like a lost cause for most of my life! – and it will be God who determines the future and who will cause His children to come into His kingdom. So we shouldn’t lose hope, we should rejoice over our salvation and continue to tell anyone who will listen that it is only through the Son that we can have life and have it more abundantly when we follow Him in earnest. We have hope in us, and we have to speak it to let God work through us to build His Kingdom on earth, before He one day brings it fully from heaven.
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As always, I invite all to go to mt4christ.com where I always share insights from prominent Christian theologians and counselors to assist my brothers and sisters in Christ with their walk.
Today we continue sharing from “According to Your Word: Morning and Evening Through the New Testament” By Stephen F. Olford – A Collection of Devotional Journals: 1940-1941.
As always, I share this information for educational purposes and encourage you all to purchase Olford’s books for your own private study and to support his work. This resource is available online for less than $10 at many sites.
EVENING READING: ACTS 11
“Peter explained it to them in order.” – Acts 11:4
Here is the correct way to rehearse, declare, or teach the Truth. Paul says, when writing to the Corinthians, “Let all things be done decently and in order” (1 Cor. 14:40), and it applies here as well.
To expound Truth in or by order presupposes:
Study. No one can expound on a subject about which he knows nothing. In this case, Peter had seen the vision, had heard God speak, and had a good grasp of the Truth which God sought to impart.
Sequence. There is no order where there is no sequence. All thoughts or points should be marshaled in order of sequence.
System or Synthesis. The putting together of the message ready to be delivered.
Lord, enable me to approach the preaching
and teaching of Your Word in a worthy manner.[1]
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“The views, opinions, and commentary of this publication are those of the author, M.T. Clark, only, and do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of any of the photographers, artists, ministries, or other authors of the other works that may be included in this publication, and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of any entities the author may represent.”
Encouragement for the Path of Christian Discipleship
[1] Stephen Olford and Heather Olford, According to Your Word: Morning and Evening Through the New Testament, A Collection of Devotional Journals 1940-1941 (Nashville, TN: B&H Books, 2008).
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